Some people don’t get metal. I can understand that, it’s an aesthetic thing, and metal takes a little more effort than most other forms of music, aside from country of course. You got to be ready for the Metal.

So for those of you who will never know the bliss of metal, you can live vicariously though me. Here’s a list of things you may be inclined to do after spending the week with Atlanta’s own Mastodon in the cd player:

1. cease bathing and all superfluous hygiene related practices, giving birth to the meanest dred known to man or beast
2. drive fast, especially on on-ramps and off-ramps and curves where you will drive faster
3. fire your boss
4. run a mile in under 5 minutes while growling nefarious death metal vocals at passerbys and homeless people
5. bench twice your weight, smoking
6. note how the Art of War applies to most everyone you encounter
7. drink heavily, begin 3 or 4 day bender that leaves you somewhere in Chiapas
8. free Zoo animals
9. make heavy metal faces in the mirror as frequently as possible
10. exalt the great glory of the Viking God Thor

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 31st, 2002 at 1:16 am and is filed under general. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.