Gay Marry Me?
I’ll leave it to others to hash out the finer talking points of the gay marriage issue. I can’t really add much except to echo the obvious that anyone who wants to participate in such a high-risk activity as marriage should be allowed to. It’s your ruin we’re talking about…
And that is why, inspired by other websites that do whacky things, I am staging the first Man::Under::Stress email activist event.
This Wednesday, which should give you plenty of time to recover from weekend hangovers and get to my website, I want you announce your gay marriage in an email to a friend or relative that supports the proposed gay-banning amendment. The older the better. That’s right, tell them that you’re gay, a fruit, that you’re “queerer than a 2 dollar bill.”
The goal here, if it’s not obvious, is to weaken the Bush voter base by causing a few heart attacks, or perhaps opening a few minds by way of shock…whichever comes first.
Let’s make this fun. Please post your emails and responses here.
March 3rd, 2004 at 1:26 pm
Dear Mom, Dad and Family,
Today is Gay Wednesday! Isn’t that super? So I’m writing to tell you all that this weekend I will be gay married in San Francisco. My gay partner, Raul, is really excited because he’s never been to San Fran. Isn’t it super? I told him all about you, about how you’ve been to San Fran and just adore gay culture. He’s dying to meet you!
Of course you know that Raul and I are not too happy with president Bush’s decision to amend the constitution to ban gay marriage. Another example of his infamous pre-emptive wars? Well, hmmph, it’s just a war we’ll have to fight we’ve decided. That silly goose! What is he thinking, that he can suppress all us gays forever? Not without tying me up first, silly goose! Is he trying to suppress his own gay tendencies by amending the constitution? We wonder…
Raul and I and our Gay Army are going to fight straight culture to the end. But first we have to design our uniforms. I’m thinking Casablanca desert-warrior style, maybe with a little Lawrence of Arabia for flair. I just love those Arabian head covers.
Once the straight-gay wars begin you might want to be careful, because we aim to take over your lifestyle, in order to take back America. We will fill your homes and bedrooms with gayness, and secretly become your friends…as a matter of fact, be careful, you might be good “buddies” with a gay army member right now and not even know it! Silly goose! We’re gonna infiltrate, KGB style, into the heart of America. Every other peson you encounter may be a Gay Army member, working to subconsciously gay-ify you. You know that suspiciously gay acting guy at work that has a “wife”? Gay Army member. How about those “buddies” of yours that group around the TV to watch men in tights play sports? Gay Army members, most of them, the rest very soon to fall.
So be careful when you’re out there in public. If someone of the same sex is being a little too friendly, well they probably are a little too friendly ifyou know what I mean! But we’re not stopping until we’ve taken back America, and refashioned it into the Gay Paradise of the 21 century that it ought to be. Just thought I’d give you a heads up.
Oh, and immediately preceding our wedding will be another gay wedding of unheard of scope. I don’t know if you’ve heard about it but Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly and Neil Boortz will be Triple Gay Married! Hooray for those darlings! Boy will that result in one great radio program…they could call it “The Three Queer A-holes.”
Toodles!
~C
March 3rd, 2004 at 7:03 pm
Your letter was too classic! I cut and pasted it, changed my partners name to Lance, and sent it on. I might have overlooked the whole thing but was subjected to Boortz today for several hours on the way to change out the water heater at my folks rental property. If there is some back and forth with the offended parties, we must add a clause about our ’special entitlement exempting us from taxation’.
March 3rd, 2004 at 10:37 pm
Well, here was my Mom’s response. She’s not too upset that I’m getting gay married:
You forgot to invite me to your wedding!
absolutely hilarious and I can’t wait for dad to read it!
queer eye for the straight guy…isn’t that a show on tv?
gotta run to tennis now.
Love,
Mom
March 5th, 2004 at 11:58 am
I didn’t get any response from family members, as they are all notoriously bad about checking their email. But when I mentioned to my mom there was an announcement in her inbox of my gay wedding, she said there was a danger of ‘people taking me seriously’. Maybe they will respond weeks from now-
March 5th, 2004 at 2:17 pm
Your mom could put a positive spin on anything…