Supersumers, Arise!
Is WalMart good or bad? I’m not really sure, but I do like the idea of consumers physically fighting for deals. That’s what I call the true spirit of the free market. Laissez un-faire capitalism. Karl Marx would be laughing, if he still could. Actually, if you saw any of the black friday videos of Consumers Gone Wild, you are probably still laughing. In today’s America, we fight for our right…to buy stuff cheap.
But I think WalMart could take this idea much further to inspire even more competition, which as we all know drives prices down. Let’s face it, fist fighting over products is a good thing, because it creates a “survival of the fittest” type scenario where only the best in breed will survive. If implemented correctly this will produce next generation “superhuman consumers,” or “Supersumers,” as I like to call them. Throughout the meth-saturated rural areas that WalMart serves best, this creature’s evolution will be shaped entirely by supply and demand economics, leaving all of the weaklings, gimps, shorties, and otherwise genetically inferior misfits in the dark, without a DVD player or George Foreman grill to enrich their lives. The Supersumer is America’s new Superman.
December 7th, 2005 at 5:15 am
Meanwhile, another sub-species of small, clever, and still relatively thrifty humanoids develops around Winn-Dixie and Piggly-Wiggly.
December 7th, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Yet they are no match for the supersumers, who will eat them like little chocolate coated ants. Delectable.
December 8th, 2005 at 5:35 am
No, the little ones will survive and will eventually embark on a perilous mission to save all that is good and pro-union in the world. They’ll be guided by Ralph Nader in a witch’s robe into the very heart of WalMart…
March 29th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
[...] No “giant corporations are evil” discussion would be complete without considering Walmart. Let’s see…bad for the economy, driving wages down, or lowering prices for consumers? I discussed the new genetic mutation of Supersumer that will take (consumer) evolution to the next level. And consider the dude that lived in a Walmart for 41 hours. Free rent! Wal-mart can’t be all that bad. [...]