Illegitimate Doppelgangers
Came across this on the Myspace FAQ:
Q. Someone is pretending to be me what do I do?
A. In order to verify your identity, please send us a “salute”. This means we will need an image of yourself holding a handwritten sign with the word “MySpace.com” and your Friend ID (your Friend ID number appears immediately after “friendID=” in the web address/URL when viewing your profile). We can then remove the profile that uses your identity without your permission. Please be sure to include the web address/URL to the profile in question when you send your salute. If you do not have a profile on MySpace please just include the current date instead of your Friend ID. You can contact us here.
Hilarious. Now me, I prefer you to send me a naked picture of yourself with the words “It’s really Me!” written across your bare naked chest in goat’s blood (or nutella, if you prefer). That’s the only way I can tell it’s really you. Now for myspace, I would recommend that you find your illegitimate doppelgangers and terminate them, Terminator style. That is the only plausible way to guarantee that identity theft won’t reoccur…
February 15th, 2006 at 5:53 am
How do I know if I’m a doppelganger or not?
February 15th, 2006 at 1:06 pm
is your belly button an innie or an outtie?
February 15th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
Who played fullback ahead of Lynn Cain?
February 16th, 2006 at 5:45 am
I got an e-mail today from someone by the name of ChuckMorris asking to be included on my MySpace buddy list. Not so strange until you realize that I don’t have a MySpace account. Seriously.
Do you think I’ve been doppelganged???
February 16th, 2006 at 12:56 pm
First of all, join myspace, more people and bands use it than friendster. Way more. I got the chuckmorris thing too, but I do have an account. I thought it was just a whacky friend that I didn’t recognize. That is odd..
February 16th, 2006 at 2:14 pm
How do you know if you’re a whacky friend or not?
February 16th, 2006 at 2:49 pm
you rely on the testimony of others, i guess. you my friend, are a whacky friend.
February 16th, 2006 at 5:32 pm
better than nothin’ I reckon
February 16th, 2006 at 6:23 pm
Fuck ChuckMorris! That lil gnome gave me VD! Fuck ‘Fullbackers’!
ChuckMorris is linked to Blake and Erin, they are behind it, or certainly something Decatur is behind it. That is: I’m pretending the gnome Blake and Erin are pretending to be - gave me VD. But don’t be pressured into joining Myspace or fucking gnomes or dopplegangers or figuring out who’s whacky. Fight, your own fight!
Fuck Kevin Seconds and his punk rock teeth!
February 16th, 2006 at 6:32 pm
Speak for yourself, I’ve been pressured into fucking gnomes and have never looked back. I will give you one word of advice: choose your gnomes wisely.
“Fullback” is a sports code word for gay shower party. I read that on espn.com.
February 16th, 2006 at 6:38 pm
Finally, football is starting to make sense! All of this time I’ve wasted, surfing places other than espn.com. Wait a minute: are ‘tight end’ and ‘wide receiver’ code for something too?
February 16th, 2006 at 7:11 pm
Yeah, code for Jason Jordan’s gonna flush your head in the toilet
February 16th, 2006 at 7:45 pm
Ah, the ol’ JJ. Isn’t that just a “Dirty Sanchez” variant though?
February 16th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
ChuckMorris could wup JJ anyday! My man ChuckMorris wouldn’t let that happen to me…..
February 17th, 2006 at 5:19 am
Hey MUS, I don’t want to imply (or should it be infer?) anything about your private anatomy and personal parts, but the fact that you have had sexual relations with a gnome would lead me to believe that your penis is somewhat gnome-ish?
February 17th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
I just want to be clear AL, I said he fucked me for the VD. My little asshole is nice and tight, just right for gnomepeen.
February 18th, 2006 at 4:43 am
All of you need to calm the fuck down. Especially Morgan, who wouldn’t know who William Andrews was if he bitch slapped him. Someone steals your identity, what is it actually worth? Debt, bad credit, an ex-wife/girlfriend or in Mogans case, a boyfriend stalking you? I say let them have the headache.
Do any of us really have that much to lose if someone “assumes” our identity? I think that you have to look at it this way; if you remembers Allycks station wagon, (which was a sweet ride in the way he/we used it), had someone been dumb enough to steal it, they would of wished they hadn’t.
I say, steal my identity; maybe you can get more out of it than I did.
February 20th, 2006 at 11:47 am
Someone tried to buy a car using my “identity” once. I got a call saying that the request was denied due to poor credit rating etc. My pathetic little existence actually came in handy for once. Total lack of responsibility/loser behavior 1….. would be identity thief, nil. GO TEAM DAVE!