Jan 29, 2007
Underground Zoo
There is a lot of talk in Atlanta, about what can be done to save Underground, the perpetually soulless downtown tourist complex containing, “unique shopping, dining, history and entertainment.” They’ve tried lots of government sponsored and taxpayer funded measures to no avail. Not even an extended 4am last call could help. Now the Zoo is considering relocating from it’s current Grant Park home. Need I state the obvious solution here?
Move the zoo to underground? Close the entire thing off, let the animals hash it out among themselves, then send unarmed visitors down there into the 1890′s cobblestone and gaslight, plus remnants of the 80′s style mall settting, for a ‘wildlife experience’. Creepy, I love it! Only a matter of time until gorillas riding elephants and rhinos, penquins riding polar bears, kangaroos carrying cobras in their pouches work their way into the 5 points station complex then out into the N/S and E/W lines, maybe this drastic plan could save MARTA as well. I predict their first attack will be against the GA aquarium – as land based mammals and reptiles have hated aquatic creatures since ‘the great schism’, a feud those hippie assed dolphins and whales have been unable to settle throughout the ages.
Then they can turn Grant Park and the old zoo into a giant gay beer garden, you know, I mean ‘officially’. The cyclorama will remain untouched of course, as that is sacred and hallowed ground-
Your best idea ever. Love it.