As an advocate of disaster tourism, culture hacking, and the special olympics, I fully support the heckling and harassment of the AIG’s high echelon criminals, and the free market blowback rage that is currently threatening their lives. Relax, right? All laissez-faire economists should realize this is simply how the market corrects itself. Fuck with the people’s money and the people fuck you back. Eventually. We NEED to send this message, Godfather style. I’m talking horse head in the bed, ears and fingers of loved ones in the mail, flaming piles of shit on the doorstep, whatever. All of it.
A message to AIG from the Godfather:
On a side note it kills me how the media is labeling all of this public outrage as some sort of “populist” revolt. Since when has demanding accountability become synonymous with populism?
I like money, mostly because it buys ice cream and pills. But I just figured something out. The US government is trying to buy all of the bad debt in the universe in order to save us from annihilation, because they love us so much. What that translates to is that beginning next month, everyone can stop paying their mortgage! The precedent is being set…if your debt is bad, someone else will pay it. Capitalism is magic that way.
Also, before paper money becomes totally useless, you might want to convert what’s left of your cash and bad debts to facebook money. Facebook has taken off and will clearly be the successor to US monetary policy, when that system collapses in a month or so. Think about getting set up in Second Life too, so that when you lose your job and house in ‘Real Life’ you will at least have something.
Holy Jesus, I think I have found my calling as corporate guerrilla ironist.
In a typical event, a few brave people volunteer to “present” a random deck of slides pulled off the Web, or borrowed from friends or employers. (I first heard about PowerPoint Karaoke when an organizer asked if she could use a deck I had presented on word meanings.) The audience laughs, cheers, and yells out suggestions as the presenters gamely struggle to link one slide to the next, transforming something that probably started life as a tedious corporate monologue into a five-minute flight of creative irony.
Although for long I’ve been envisioning something riffing on the absurdity of the conference call…
You’ve all probably seen these by now, but I’ve been in the studio the last two weekends, which makes them all the more punishingly funny. The most surreal and artfully decomposed mock-ups of all time perhaps. This is the Maiden one, the Metallica is also curl up on the floor funny. Wired put them up because Youtube took them down. This almost erases the pain of un-super Tuesday.
I’ve brought up my fascination with non-lethal weapons before. And let me tell you, whether it’s military adventurism, fraternity pranks, or good ol’ domestic abuse, non-lethal weapons can play a big part in your life. With no casualties everyone’s a winner, in a non-lethal utopia by way of a sticky foam rave kind of way, where pain is only an illusion, and therefore, not real, right? In no time we’ll all be mad with laughter, at the mere thought of “war.”
My problem with future weapons technologists however, is that they just aren’t thinking outside the box enough. Nuclear missiles? Come on. That’s so 1980s. We need to have fun with this. We need a Willy Wonka of future weapons. Previously I mentioned my idea for the Ibiza Techno-BubbleBox, capable of turning any street corner disturbance into a full-on Ibiza style bubble rave. To build upon this I’m currently developing several alternatives such as the the spaghetti web, slushy riot crowd-control spray, milk non-duds, meatball catapult , and a very simple replacement ammunition for all machine fired projectiles, part of the forthcoming Nerf-War package. There’s one more technology in the early stages of development known as “pizza delivery.” It’s very complicated but the idea is that wherever there are dangerous crowds, enemy lines, etc., precise geographic coordinates are logged through fancy GPS technology, and then the “interwebs” contact food-service giant Halliburton and orders a large number and variety of pizzas to said target location. When the pizzas arrive the crowd loses it’s will to fight and begins to dissipate amidst the confusion of pepperoni and who ordered which pizza. It’s the perfect confusion.
For products already on the market see slip n’ slide, jumpy things, and of course the old standby: opera. Nothing immobilizes like bad music.
Since war doesn’t want to go away, shouldn’t we just make it fun and more safe?
You’ve certainly heard of Parkour by now, even if not by name. But have you heard of Por Quoi? Give it till halfway through when they start doing the goofy stuff. Skate pool scene kills me. If I were Wes Anderson, or a Wes Anderson competitor, my next feature film would involve a rising Parkour star, and Will Ferrell would be the obvious choice for lead.
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