manunderstress.com

Episode two of how not to fix things properly. This week we delve into home disimprovement. I am going to explain how to break your windows and then repair them, manunderstress style.

First, break a window while trying to kick a shoe off somewhere inside your home. Next, board up the window and leave glass on the floor so that you track it all over the house to properly receive glass splinters over the next few months. After that, board up windows and let house take on the vintage glamor of a craftsman era crack house. Now, wait a month or two before getting around to measuring windows. When inertia loosens its hold, take your measurements, but make sure they are put where they will be easily misplaced. Wait two weeks to make sure that measurements are completely lost in the disarray that is your life. Remeasure windows. Go to the magic glass cutting place and get replacement panes (optional: make incorrect measurements ensuring that the pane won’t fit.) Place pane into window making sure to cut yourself at least once, and glaze with that glazing shit. Leave it on lumpy for a long time. Finally, shape the glaze with a putty knife and wait 3 years to paint, or never paint.